12th Dialogue
Seeker: I don’t know if I'm exactly at the same level, but the dissatisfaction with myself continues, since I give in easily to the "old man" ... Sometimes I try not to think in those terms, but that's how I identify. In the last 10 days I’ve experienced huge stress in work, where feelings of anger welled me too hard... but it’s getting better with time. Because of these feelings, I hardly meditated, because I could not divert my thinking from the occurred. I would like to be stronger, more determined, and not looking back ... In my house we decide, my wife and I, to delay our separation. I'm really convinced that there is no more love on both sides, but it is a very difficult decision for both of us. Sometimes I really think I will be better off alone... sometimes I think the opposite...
I need to live one day at a time.
Satyavan : Those are hard steps that lead to the Truth or God ... every step of liberation is like giving birth, at the beginning where life was based on illusion, every step towards the truth is like a grenade in you own life ... A mixed conflict plagues the "common" man, the search for truth haunts his heart, but he is consciously in pursuit of happiness , even if it is the same because the truth is supreme happiness, however, happiness to the "common" man, has another meaning , is much more immediate , and refers to a well-being in a life idealized with affection , acceptance , nurturing, full of family and professional achievements, comfort, status, etc... Then conflict is inevitable, the heart (the real quest) takes you down trough paths where you have to question and sometimes let go all the bases that you carry, all misunderstandings, which postpones in a seemingly endless way that comfort that you seek, until your search is ripe...
There is a lot of dissatisfaction in your life and that's a fact! Start there! There is a lot of harshness towards yourself limiting the perception of the Divine, even your philosophical affinity reflects this posture... but your heart speaks louder than your intellect can go, and this will be more valuable in the long run... The old man is a bitter man, sad and trapped in a seemingly impregnable fortress. That old man doesn’t have what to live for except the promises that never come to pass, and has learned to receive some wellbeing from quick but devastating sources to its own ethical values.... This man needs care, needs attention if the cane is dry and is bent too much it breaks, and you need to soften it to bend without breaking. You are dissatisfied in several areas, and you don’t open new doors, that which is surely will wither to death... Start by seeking healthier ways of gratification, seek a little fun, spend quality time with yourself, make it something primal in your life , but not as an escape from life , but include it in your life, in your family , with your children, but always thinking about your well-being and contentment, spend quality time , see your God in all this , also see your God in your “wrong” sources of gratification , see Him there at your side in love and acceptance, don’t lose sight of Him even for one minute, even in those moments of shame, let Him be your shoulder, wake up to life, and life will wake up for you. By making your life more enjoyable with more quality pleasures, will make the need for other things to decrease and eventually disappear, it may take some time because of the habit, but it will disappear for sure. You need to embrace and love the old man, otherwise no new man will ever be born. Marriages are never won or lost, never. Seek joy in yourself, by yourself, and see how your life changes, maybe not the way you imagine, but for sure in a much better way!
This posture has become comfortable for you, because of the children both of you allow yourselves to be enclosed in that little hole, but I assure you if you are still there is because there is still something that keeps you there, or else the children wouldn’t be enough to keep you together... It takes courage to go beyond the established and change the attitude, it lacks will, motivation, the habit of being unhappy is stronger... but to seek God is to seek joy, where all sadness (meaning lack of understanding) must/will disappear, and this is the hardest, don’t hesitate ... Happiness is the scariest thing for the old man ! And even if you have to go to the bottom of the well, then no problem, all roads lead to the Father!
Seeker: I don’t know if I'm exactly at the same level, but the dissatisfaction with myself continues, since I give in easily to the "old man" ... Sometimes I try not to think in those terms, but that's how I identify. In the last 10 days I’ve experienced huge stress in work, where feelings of anger welled me too hard... but it’s getting better with time. Because of these feelings, I hardly meditated, because I could not divert my thinking from the occurred. I would like to be stronger, more determined, and not looking back ... In my house we decide, my wife and I, to delay our separation. I'm really convinced that there is no more love on both sides, but it is a very difficult decision for both of us. Sometimes I really think I will be better off alone... sometimes I think the opposite...
I need to live one day at a time.
Satyavan : Those are hard steps that lead to the Truth or God ... every step of liberation is like giving birth, at the beginning where life was based on illusion, every step towards the truth is like a grenade in you own life ... A mixed conflict plagues the "common" man, the search for truth haunts his heart, but he is consciously in pursuit of happiness , even if it is the same because the truth is supreme happiness, however, happiness to the "common" man, has another meaning , is much more immediate , and refers to a well-being in a life idealized with affection , acceptance , nurturing, full of family and professional achievements, comfort, status, etc... Then conflict is inevitable, the heart (the real quest) takes you down trough paths where you have to question and sometimes let go all the bases that you carry, all misunderstandings, which postpones in a seemingly endless way that comfort that you seek, until your search is ripe...
There is a lot of dissatisfaction in your life and that's a fact! Start there! There is a lot of harshness towards yourself limiting the perception of the Divine, even your philosophical affinity reflects this posture... but your heart speaks louder than your intellect can go, and this will be more valuable in the long run... The old man is a bitter man, sad and trapped in a seemingly impregnable fortress. That old man doesn’t have what to live for except the promises that never come to pass, and has learned to receive some wellbeing from quick but devastating sources to its own ethical values.... This man needs care, needs attention if the cane is dry and is bent too much it breaks, and you need to soften it to bend without breaking. You are dissatisfied in several areas, and you don’t open new doors, that which is surely will wither to death... Start by seeking healthier ways of gratification, seek a little fun, spend quality time with yourself, make it something primal in your life , but not as an escape from life , but include it in your life, in your family , with your children, but always thinking about your well-being and contentment, spend quality time , see your God in all this , also see your God in your “wrong” sources of gratification , see Him there at your side in love and acceptance, don’t lose sight of Him even for one minute, even in those moments of shame, let Him be your shoulder, wake up to life, and life will wake up for you. By making your life more enjoyable with more quality pleasures, will make the need for other things to decrease and eventually disappear, it may take some time because of the habit, but it will disappear for sure. You need to embrace and love the old man, otherwise no new man will ever be born. Marriages are never won or lost, never. Seek joy in yourself, by yourself, and see how your life changes, maybe not the way you imagine, but for sure in a much better way!
This posture has become comfortable for you, because of the children both of you allow yourselves to be enclosed in that little hole, but I assure you if you are still there is because there is still something that keeps you there, or else the children wouldn’t be enough to keep you together... It takes courage to go beyond the established and change the attitude, it lacks will, motivation, the habit of being unhappy is stronger... but to seek God is to seek joy, where all sadness (meaning lack of understanding) must/will disappear, and this is the hardest, don’t hesitate ... Happiness is the scariest thing for the old man ! And even if you have to go to the bottom of the well, then no problem, all roads lead to the Father!
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